WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL MUTHAFUCKIN WEBSITE OF TODD "ASSCLOWNICUS GIGANTICUS" MATERNOWSKI


THIS IS WHERE I PROMOTE MY CUTE LITTLE BOOKS, MY ADORABLE LITTLE SHORT STORIES, MY DARLING LITTLE TEXT-BASED GAMES, AND A WHOLE FUCKTON OF RELATED SHIT.

I WON'T BORE YOU WITH THE DETAILS HERE. FOR *REAL* BOREDOM, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CLICK ON ONE OF THESE LINKS, EACH OF WHICH NETS ME APPROXIMATELY THE ENTIRE GDP OF ICELAND WITH EVERY CLICK. NO, SERIOUSLY. AS WE SPEAK, I'M IN TALKS TO BUY TEXAS AND CHANGE IT TO A THEME PARK BASED ON RED MEAT AND PRISON RAPE.

BEFORE GOING ANY FURTHER, ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION: IF EVERYONE IN THE WORLD DIED, WHERE WOULD FARMERS GET THEIR FOOD? 

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, COME INSIDE! ANYONE WHO VISITS THIS WEBSITE IS JUST MY SPECIAL LITTLE SNOWFLAKE. AND I MEAN THAT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY DISTENDED THORAX.

 

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